I joined a 30 day music production accountability group challenge in January. The thought of making a track
every day seemed like a good constructive activity to engage myself in while I waded through a swampy muck of
personal chaos. While I did not make a track every day, I did learn a few new tricks in Logic and Ableton
which was
cool.
I put together some of them here. For
your listening pleasure.
Some thoughts on this whole endeavour.
I find it hard to judge my own music, to understand if I actually like what I'm making. It's one thing to make,
and then one to listen. I will say it makes me cringe a bit. I'm not sure what I would think of the stuff I end
up making if I came
across it organically - would I just skip forward? Would
it
be something I absolutely dislike? What does the kind of music I end up making say about me? What do others
think of it? Do I have to identify with it? Like listening to it? Does it have to serve the same purpose as the
music I listen to? Or can the act of making it be enough? Can it just be something I create and release, never
to hear from again?
Etc etc.
You know. (?)
This issue - of usually being unable to listen to the things I make - isn't just limited to music. It's pretty
consistent across most creative endeavours I undertake. I find it
hard to read what I've written, watch what I've edited or shot, look at what I've drawn - without being
extremely judgmental and critical of it. Even with things I objectively have more experience in, it could be
'technically' good but I'd still find the voice, the intention, the 'way' I've done it - boring, banal, just not
'there yet'. Missing something. I'm just not looking at things right, doing it right. I don't like it.
Weirdly enough, it's the things I don't have much experience in or that I don't think too much about, fueled by
pure desire to get something out of my system - a la first thought best thought - that I find myself actually
able to consume. Appreciate. Let have its moment. I made this. I love it! Isn't it wonderful. I didn't think
too much about it! Look at it! I tried something and it worked!
The moment I start putting in 'effort' - editing, tweaking, designing, refining, constructing, trying to have
something fit a certain standard - I start to develop an extreme aversion to whatever it is I'm working on. It
repels me. Begins to feel like a hollow prop piece.
Mostly. Not always.
Of course, this isn't a new thought, the optics of trying, and potentially failing. The gap between taste and
skill, ability. Or how the point of
the aforementioned challenge is to get past these certain perfectionist tendencies, and to simply create without
judgment. I have fiddled with
these tracks, some
more than others, and as an exercise in production I think that's okay. It does feel like I'm admitting that I
/tried/ and this is all I could make and it doesn't feel very representative of the music I listen to, or the
'kind of music I want to make'. So much so that I had to write this whole disclaimer for it.
These feelings come and go though.
Music is the one creative medium I have no desire to capitalise on. I'm not even sure I could if I tried.
Regardless, it's
nice having a medium to create in that demands nothing from me (as someone who technically 'makes art' and has
navigated the line betwen it being work/passion for most of my life). Sitting on a DAW and cobbling together
tracks,
figuring out the different ways in which sound can come together (and discovering my likes and dislikes) makes
me feel like a kid, putting together lego blocks into my dream house. Or cooking for myself, figuring and
subsequently knowing exactly what kinds of flavours and textures I like, and not worrying about catering to
anyone else's tastebuds. Being okay with it being a little burnt too. I'm not fussy. I'm happy with this skill
level. I'm able to make some cool things. I'll learn new things as and when I feel like I need them, when they
interest me, when I'm curious. I think this is yummy for now. And I will share it with my friends out of love
and the desire to feed them something with my hands. It will be great.
Some thoughts on the sounds I like
I'm drawn to light, dreamy, airy, melodic sounds. I like melancholic melodies but also sparkly ones. I try to
deviate, attempt different genres but I am drawn to
working with bells and tings and tangs water gurgling and bubbles popping and unidentifiable ethereal voices
emerging from the ether. I tend to see songs playing out a narrative, I'm still learning to break the form.
Every time I try to write songs in English, nothing
really makes sense. I have to sing in unintelligible tongues. I plan on recording more of that this month.
Of course I listen to all kinds of music, which deviates far from this space. Perhaps this space is comfortable,
easy for me in a DAW. I do think it's a bit too sweet, clean. Not enough grit. Very square.
I'd like to introduce more grit, play with more of my vocals and guitar recordings, have tracks be more spare.
I do have sounds, songs, artists that I'm chasing, stuff I'm trying to mimic. That's been mostly the most
helpful exercise I've found in learning anything - copy, mimic, replicate, emulate - you will never be able to
do it 100% and that's the point, and you'll discover your own ways of working, understanding, learning, in the
process.
I also just learn by being a nosy bitch. Poke my nose into everything.
Stuff I've been attempting to mimic/feel like my music sounds like